


Don't follow. Walk at my side.

by Annerp



Series: The Land of the Living [3]
Category: Captain America - All Media Types, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Basically ignores the movie, Canon Divergence - Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Like it never happened, Loki (Marvel) Feels, M/M, No Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Steve Does His Best, Steve Rogers Feels, Steve just wants to fix this, Unconventional Relationship, frostshield - Freeform, i'm just doing what i want over here, stoki - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-25
Updated: 2019-04-25
Packaged: 2020-01-31 13:38:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 978
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18592336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Annerp/pseuds/Annerp
Summary: It's the night before venturing into the quantum realm and Steve needs to fix something.





	Don't follow. Walk at my side.

 

Steve’s POV

 

Steve can’t sleep. He knows he needs to. But that doesn’t make it come any easier. And the fact that Loki is not there with him only makes it worse. He wants his lover with him. He wants to feel the god’s arms around him, soothing him, reassuring him that everything is going to be okay. That in the days to come, they will be successful, they will bring everyone back. They will make things right.

But how can he expect that from Loki, when Steve hasn’t been able to provide any reassurances in return. Or at least none that hold any weight. It is unfair to ask more from Loki when he has already given so much and asked for so very little in return.

He did not ask that Steve choose him over all others, he did not ask that Steve give up on what seems like an impossible task that is likely to fail, he did not ask for anything except to be allowed to follow him into death.

And that hurts. It hurts Steve in a way that he cannot quite fully fathom. It hurts to know that he has taken and taken and taken from Loki and has left him with nothing for himself. No will to go on without Steve. It hurts worse to know that this is the same despair that Loki pulled him out of over Bucky. And it hurts to know that after everything that Loki has restored in him, the god still thinks he himself somehow falls short. Thinks that Steve will not return to him no matter how this all ends.

Steve has had a lot of failures over his life, but this one hurts deep down in his soul. This one hurts because this is one that he could have prevented. This is one that rested solely on decisions that he made. This is one that he could have fixed.

This is one that he can hopefully _still_ fix.

Getting out of bed, Steve pulls on some clothes and his slippers, then heads outside.

Finding Loki was not an issue. As much as the god may want solitude, he always goes to the same spot, always available for Steve to find. He drops down over the wall and sits in his usual spot beside the god, leaning in to his side. Loki obligingly shifts and pulls Steve in close. And that just reinforces everything in the blondes head. Because once again, here he is, intruding on Loki, taking from Loki.

But this time is different. This time he has something to give.

“Can you not sleep?” Loki asks him.

“I wanted to talk to you.” Steve pauses, takes a breath. “I do better when you are with me.”

“I am sorry. It was selfish of me to leave. We can go back. You need to be rested for tomorrow.”

“No,” he rubs his eyes with his hand, irritated that he is already messing this up. “I mean always. I do better when you are with me.”

Loki looks at him and Steve can tell he is trying to decipher what he means, so he continues. “Not that you have to stay with me all the time. Just in general, I do better.”

And then Steve realizes that he has turned this around again, made it about what he needs, what Loki does for him.

“I feel like all I do is take from you,” Steve says quietly. “And I want to be able to do something for you. To be there for you.”

Steve takes hold of Loki’s hand with both of his. “You have done so much for me and all you have asked for in return is to…… is to…..” He can’t force himself to say it. He can’t admit out loud that all Loki asked is to be able to die with him.

“I promised to stay by your side Steve.”

There is a touch of anger in his voice when Steve responds, “I made you promise!”

Loki keeps his calm and that bothers Steve more. Even in this, Loki is allowing Steve to take from him. “You may have asked me to-“

Steve cuts him off, “I was wrong Loki. It was wrong of me to ask that of you.”

This time Loki flinches and pulls his hand away. “You may have asked it of me when you were hurting, but I gave that promise of my own free will. And I meant it. I promised to be by your side. I will be here for you.”

“That’s exactly what I mean. I asked for it and you gave. Like you always do. And I never promised you anything in return.”

Loki’s expression goes blank and he sits up a little straighter. “I see.”

He can’t figure out how he managed to mess this up so badly. All he wanted to do was give Loki something back. To not take. For once. Steve runs his hands over his face trying to find the right words.

“I think I need to start this entire conversation over.”

“There is no need. I think I understand.” Loki’s voice is stiff, almost formal.

“No, I don’t think you do. So just……. just hear me out okay?” Steve rests his hand over Loki’s again. “You promised to stay by my side and I….. I needed that……But I didn’t promise the same to you.”

Loki opens his mouth to protest again, but Steve silences him with a kiss. Slow and tender. “When we go in there tomorrow, we stay together. No matter what happens. Whether we are successful or if we fail, it doesn’t matter. We stay together. Whatever it takes. “

Steve pulls back to hold out his hand, “And when it’s over, I’ll stay by your side. I promise you Loki. I’ll never leave.”

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> I wanted to put up one last interlude and give this series a clean end. (but you never know, I may add another piece after I've digested the movie for a bit).
> 
> Update: okay so after watching Endgame, there will be a follow up piece. I've got too many WIP's at the moment to start it, but it will happen. Because, you know, Bucky.   
>  
> 
> If you liked it, I'd love to hear about it.


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